"emergency"

i had the good fortune of spending my saturday night at the emergency room of columbia presbyterian. let me tell some of you who haven't been to the ER lately- it is a shit show. seriously, why spend money on barnum and bailey's when you can hurt yourself and suffer with a cast of characters for FREE. until the bill arrives anyway.

so WHY was i in the ER, you ask? my "partner" (new york parlance. it is VERY uncool to be married, much less legally and *gasp* through the church) cut himself while doing the dishes. now, this was not your average cut. we still have blood stains on our kitchen floor. so dying he was not, but couldn't exactly stick a bandaid on it and wait til monday.

let me give you the short version of our 6 hour ordeal.

8:30pm: enter ER and 2 perturbed women behind a glass shield snottily point toward the triage nurse. the triage nurse proceeds to slap some gauze on wound (no gloves) and tell us to sit and be patient.

10pm: i attempt to ask when we can expect to be helped. a woman who is 8months pregnant and presumably in labor beats me to the nurse desk, and i am encouraged to take a seat.

10-11:30pm: several sick, pregnant, bleeding individuals stagger in in varying degrees of sobriety. a couple of times i ask for updates, and am swiftly reminded i am not the ONLY person in the ER. man with bleeding ear shouts out periodically that he ear is hemorraging, and "this is fucking ridiculous."

11:30pm: we attempt to watch sarah palin on snl on the waiting room television. sound not working, and drunk ladies next to us far too loud. bummer. at least the ladies are funny. apparently they went out on a ladies night and one of their boyfriends got sick on booze. dude in question NEVER going to live it down.

12am: finally, admitted to the treatment area!!!!!!!!!! downside- woman next to us is in septic shock and apparently on the verge of death. i see a catheter get put inside her, and blood spattered all over the floor. said blood was not cleaned up all night.

12-1:3oam: i compulsively apply purell to my hands from nearby dispenser about every 10 minutes and rub vigorously.

1:30am: hubby is assessed by doctor, told he will receive stitches.

2am: stitches finally applied, woman in next bed transferred to ICU, and a man from another area gets taken away in handcuffs and chains on his feet. i told you this was good entertainment!

2:30am: after half hour waitin for discharge papers, we are at long last discharged into the cold night.

It does not surprise me that people routinely die in waiting rooms. The next time I hear anyone complain about socialized medicine, I think I will urge them to wash all their sharpest knives next Saturday night.