In the latest Sex and the City movie, Carrie Bradshaw hires her personal assistant because she offers a satisfactory response when asked why she came to New York: she was looking for love. Carrie confesses that she too came to New York for just that reason, half implying that that's why all girls move to the Big Apple.
Let's bring in that willing suspension of disbelief for a second and suppose that that is in fact true, and single women come to NYC to fall in love. If that is the case, then it is social Darwinism at its best, because New York is one of the hardest places on the planet to meet decent straight man. These romantic idealists will die out like the dodo, because it is highly unlikely they will find their soulmate and reproduce starry-eyed spawn. I've heard mixed accounts of the actual single heterosexual women: single straight men ratio, but can tell you from experience it is NOT pretty, ladies.
What ensues is a strictly observational account of why straight women should not move to New York looking for love. I strongly suspect that many a lonely lady out there will read this and nod her head knowingly. Consider this your virtual bear huge and cyber "there, there."
Exhibit A: My text message, email, and voicemail inboxes, overflowing with tales of woe and pleas for advice from my girl friends. Despite the motley crew of gentlemen involved, the stories are shockingly similar. Hookups with no phone call. No time for love, too much work. MIA for weeks at a time. Not over the ex. Not ready to get married. Doesn't want the others in the office to find out.
I have found a million different ways to repeat what He's Just That Not Into You says in its title. If a guy/girl/cat/dog is "into" you, there is no mystery to it. Yes, he will call. Yes, he will make time for you, no matter what. He will follow you around with his tongue hanging out and probably want to make you dinner. He will not be able to keep his hands off you, because you have sufficiently screwed up his hormones to the point where he truly believes you're the best he's ever had. That is what love looks and feels like. If your story resembles more the previous paragraph than this, dump him. Do not wait for him to do it- you're not happy anyway, trust me.
Exhibit B: My male friends. Oh wait, that's right, I don't have any. My entire life I have had mostly male friends. In fact, I think that was what made my transition into dating so easy. I speak man fluently. Yet, despite my almost off putting comfort level engaging in raunchy guy talk, guys in New York do NOT want to be my friend unless it is in the couples context. I think this is a reflection of more than the mere paucity of men here. My personal theory is that it has to do with the goal-oriented nature of most New York City men. I am off the market, and therefore a waste of time. However, this Machiavellian attitude does not only harm potential friendships: it makes it nearly impossible to get to know someone you might be interested in dating. Dating is not easy, folks, and people are rarely what they appear on the first date. Unless you're willing to get to know someone as a friend who might become more, chances are you're setting yourself up for little more than a few hookups followed by mass confusion on both ends.
In conclusion, do NOT move to New York for love. Move for your career, move for the nightlife, move for the fashion. Move for the Astoria beer garden. When you want to settle down and have kids, hit up Minneapolis.
Let's bring in that willing suspension of disbelief for a second and suppose that that is in fact true, and single women come to NYC to fall in love. If that is the case, then it is social Darwinism at its best, because New York is one of the hardest places on the planet to meet decent straight man. These romantic idealists will die out like the dodo, because it is highly unlikely they will find their soulmate and reproduce starry-eyed spawn. I've heard mixed accounts of the actual single heterosexual women: single straight men ratio, but can tell you from experience it is NOT pretty, ladies.
What ensues is a strictly observational account of why straight women should not move to New York looking for love. I strongly suspect that many a lonely lady out there will read this and nod her head knowingly. Consider this your virtual bear huge and cyber "there, there."
Exhibit A: My text message, email, and voicemail inboxes, overflowing with tales of woe and pleas for advice from my girl friends. Despite the motley crew of gentlemen involved, the stories are shockingly similar. Hookups with no phone call. No time for love, too much work. MIA for weeks at a time. Not over the ex. Not ready to get married. Doesn't want the others in the office to find out.
I have found a million different ways to repeat what He's Just That Not Into You says in its title. If a guy/girl/cat/dog is "into" you, there is no mystery to it. Yes, he will call. Yes, he will make time for you, no matter what. He will follow you around with his tongue hanging out and probably want to make you dinner. He will not be able to keep his hands off you, because you have sufficiently screwed up his hormones to the point where he truly believes you're the best he's ever had. That is what love looks and feels like. If your story resembles more the previous paragraph than this, dump him. Do not wait for him to do it- you're not happy anyway, trust me.
Exhibit B: My male friends. Oh wait, that's right, I don't have any. My entire life I have had mostly male friends. In fact, I think that was what made my transition into dating so easy. I speak man fluently. Yet, despite my almost off putting comfort level engaging in raunchy guy talk, guys in New York do NOT want to be my friend unless it is in the couples context. I think this is a reflection of more than the mere paucity of men here. My personal theory is that it has to do with the goal-oriented nature of most New York City men. I am off the market, and therefore a waste of time. However, this Machiavellian attitude does not only harm potential friendships: it makes it nearly impossible to get to know someone you might be interested in dating. Dating is not easy, folks, and people are rarely what they appear on the first date. Unless you're willing to get to know someone as a friend who might become more, chances are you're setting yourself up for little more than a few hookups followed by mass confusion on both ends.
In conclusion, do NOT move to New York for love. Move for your career, move for the nightlife, move for the fashion. Move for the Astoria beer garden. When you want to settle down and have kids, hit up Minneapolis.
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